The Hidden Rules of Cooking:

Working with small households across Australia, I've identified five distinct types of food rules that govern our kitchen lives. Understanding these categories has been revolutionary in helping people transform their relationship with cooking.

 1. Diet Rules

These are our conscious restrictions - the rules we deliberately set for ourselves. They might come from health goals, current trends, or personal beliefs about nutrition. One of my workshop participants, Mike, had a strict "protein with every meal" rule that made cooking feel like a mathematical equation rather than a pleasure.

I've seen how these rules can either support or sabotage our cooking efforts. The key is identifying which ones actually serve us and which ones just create unnecessary stress.

2. Family/Cultural Rules

These run deep in our cooking DNA. I still hear my dad's voice saying, "It's not a proper meal without bread!" These rules shape not just what we eat, but how we think about cooking and meals.

Another participant, Mai, shared how she couldn't serve rice that wasn't perfectly cooked because her grandmother had drilled into her that "imperfect rice brings shame to the family." While this led to excellent rice-cooking skills, it also created unnecessary anxiety around cooking.

 3. Secret Rules

These are our quirky, personal guidelines that might seem irrational to others. I had a secret rule about never eating the same thing two days in a row, which made cooking for one particularly challenging. Another participant never ate the last bite of any sandwich - a habit from childhood she couldn't explain.

These rules often come from personal experiences or comfort zones, and while some are harmless, others can make cooking more complicated than it needs to be.

 4. Shopping Rules

These govern how we acquire food, and they can either help or hinder our cooking journey. One workshop participant shared how she never shops without a list - a rule from her grandmother that actually helps prevent food waste. Another never bought ingredients for just one meal, which often led to waste when cooking for one.

I've learned that shopping rules can be particularly powerful in either supporting or sabotaging our cooking efforts.

5. Food Waste Rules

These influence how we handle leftover food and ingredients. Some people, like myself, religiously save every scrap for stock, while others toss anything past its "best by" date. These rules often come from our upbringing and can significantly impact both our budget and our environmental footprint.

The magic happens when we become aware of our rules and can choose which ones to keep. I encourage everyone to start this exploration by keeping a food rules journal for a week. Notice when you tell yourself you "should" or "shouldn't" eat something. Pay attention to those moments when you feel guilty about food choices or resist certain ingredients or cooking methods.

Ask yourself these revealing questions:

• Where did this rule come from?
• Does it still serve me?
• Is it based on fact or just habit?
• Does it make cooking more enjoyable or more stressful

One of my favourite workshop moments was when Jenny, a participant who'd always believed cooking meant following recipes exactly, realised she could adapt dishes to her taste. "It was like being given permission to actually enjoy cooking!" she exclaimed. That's exactly what understanding your food rules can do - free you to cook in a way that truly works for you.

In my own kitchen, recognizing and challenging my food rules has transformed how I cook. I now have scrambled eggs for dinner when I want them, and I've learned to love cooking just for me. It's about creating your own culinary compass rather than following someone else's map.

 Through my workshops, I've seen countless people transform their relationship with cooking once they understand their food rules. They move from "I can't be bothered" to finding genuine pleasure in preparing meals for themselves.

One participant, David, realized his rule about "proper dinners" taking at least an hour to prepare was keeping him from cooking at all on weeknights. Once he challenged this rule, he discovered countless delicious meals he could prepare in 30 minutes or less.

 Ready to Discover Your Inner Cook?

I'm currently building a waitlist for my next series of Inner Cook workshops, where we'll explore your unique food rules and create your personalized cookbook. Together, we'll develop cooking practices that align with your true preferences and lifestyle. You'll learn not just to cook, but to cook in a way that brings you joy.